Victoria Song | Apiece Apart Woman
Every day is a journey in self-discovery — an endeavor to find what sparks joy, what lights us up, and how we can weave those things more and more into the fabric of our lives.
So, when we discovered the work of Victoria Song, we were instantly hooked. A leadership advisor to visionary founders and CEOs, Victoria preaches the gospel of creating a life of your dreams. Her latest book, "Bending Reality: How to Make the Impossible Probable" (an instant WSJ Best Seller,) presents a how-to guide for achieving goals we once believed to be out of reach, inspiring a vision of the future we never dared to imagine.
Speaking to Laura and Starr from her new home in Portugal, Victoria shared her wisdom on living a life of expansion, creating new paradigms, and the profound importance of celebration. Read on for more.
Photos by Paige Newton
You’ve made a huge professional shift, from business school and venture capital to best-selling author and coach. Was there a moment, a wake-up call, when you realized you were off course and wanted to lean into this new path?
There was definitely a moment. I was at a Kygo concert with some friends from business school, and I realized we’d all been really in need of that opportunity for release. None of us actually liked the jobs we’d chosen in New York City, none of us were really fulfilled romantically or professionally, and this dance party was kind of an escape, or a distraction, from the truth – that we’d traded in joy and fulfillment for hustle and achievement, surrounded by so much stress and pressure.
That night, I came home, and at 4 in the morning I was in tears, leaving voice messages on friends' phones — “Have you noticed that none of us are actually that happy? Why aren’t we doing anything about it?” I definitely woke up the next day feeling like I was never going to be able to be content staying at my job with this new sense of consciousness. It was a bit of an existential awakening, I would say.
In Bending Reality, you teach that life can be broken down into two states of being — contraction and expansion. Can you define those for us?
When you’re experiencing a moment that brings you joy or fulfillment, you immediately feel your heart and chest open up, you feel grounded, you feel peaceful, you feel excited — there's a sense of possibility in your being. On the contrary, in a moment of disappointment or upset, when something doesn’t go the way you want it to, you immediately feel tightness, or a loss of control — a state of panic. That is the state that I call contraction.
The things that put us in a state of expansion are things we don’t often prioritize, because they seem like luxuries — self-care, dancing, playing, doing activities we love. When we put these things first, we start to make expansion our default state of being. I believe that's when we're most creative, in-flow, able to access intelligent solutions, and open to inspiration — when our consciousness has a wider aperture to take in more of life. It is from expansion that we are able to bend our reality in the direction we want.
What are your favorite things to do to reach a state of expansion?
I love celebrating everything. Absolutely everything. Whether it’s a conversation like this, which I feel so lucky to be having, because I really love your brand and community, or celebrating the fact that I’m in Portugal now, creating the life of our dreams, there’s always something to celebrate. It's how I stay in the vibes of gratitude, joy, and excitement which creates momentum for more expansion. To me, celebration is like gratitude on steroids, and it’s a great way to stay connected to life. Otherwise, I think we tend to burn through moments.
I bought a bouquet earlier today, just to create my own simple moment of celebration, and bring beauty and pleasure into my life which is an investment in my best self. Because when I feel expansive, I operate from my highest self.
Can you tell us a little bit about your journey to Portugal?
Feeling free is another way I love to reach expansion — so we were very spontaneous in landing here! My fiancé and I thought it would be fun to have a home-base in Europe, and started searching for places about a year ago. We found this one, in Lourinhã, and within a few weeks, we had a house that we’d never seen in a town we’d never visited.
We decided not to renew our lease in LA, and spent months road-tripping around the U.S. with our two huskies and whatever we could fit in the trunk of our car until we made it here. We’ve been in Lisbon for fourteen days, and I’m blown away. The food, the people, the landscape. Everything about this city is so beautiful.
You’ve taught us how to enter our own states of expansion, but do you have tips for how best to interact with someone who may be in a state of contraction?
I've noticed many women tend to play the role of people-pleaser, being the ones to make sure everyone’s happy, and putting others' needs first. But it’s so essential to catch the part of you that believes it's your responsibility to make everyone around you feel better. You can be with them as they feel their contraction, let them know you're there for them, but you don't need to make it go away.
If you feel your energy draining, or that you’re being negatively affected by someone’s contraction, you can always remove yourself from the situation. Express that you want to be supportive, but that you need to recharge to do so. I think we stop ourselves from setting that boundary because we feel selfish for taking care of ourselves, but it’s really healthy to know that you have the power to take a walk, or to change the subject. And ultimately it's your responsibility to hold your boundaries. We don’t have to feel like victims to the situation. If you shift, and set up boundaries, your relationships will change for the better.
It’s evident how passionate you are about your clients —what's the impact you hope to have?
I choose to work with leaders who have missions I believe in — leaders who have the ability to impact humanity on a large scale, and who are interested in creating a new paradigm for wealth, power and success.
Instead of chasing money, power, or success to fill a void. Instead of letting these things define your worth. Instead of sacrificing health, wellbeing, or family to attain these things. I believe the state of the world today is a result of looking in all the wrong places to fill this void within us.
I work with leaders who are choosing to do the inner work to heal this void within so they can sustainably hold wealth, power and success with an expansive consciousness to create an abundant and free world that works for all.
If you could raise your own billboard for all the world to see, what would it say?
“Trust.” Trust more in your life, and the way that it’s unfolding, trust in your perfect timing, and trust in yourself.