Last year, as she was about to celebrate 10 years of owning a successful New York creative agency, RoAndCo founder Roanne Adams found herself in the middle of a personal crossroads and crisis — unmotivated, uninspired, and trapped in a cycle of unhappiness and physical sickness. She'd go on to upend her entire perspective and outlook on life, altering the focus of her work, deciding to move across the country from New York to LA, and starting a print publication called Romance Journal —“a reflection of my truth — devoted to exploring truth and raising our collective consciousness.”
We visited Roanne at home to go deep: what do you do when what you thought would make you happy...isn't? How do you grow in empathy? And how do you learn to come home to yourself?
Photos by Tim Hout
Photos by Tim Hout
The last year has been a transitional one for you: can you share more about your the steps leading up to deciding to make some substantial shifts in your life?
I think it all started after I had my daughter — I found having a baby very challenging and taxing on my body, mind, and emotional state. She was born premature and I felt very anxious about her the first year of her life. Just as I was settling into motherhood and felt like I was beginning to balance out my business and life at home she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 14 months old. While having T1D is by no means the end of the world, for me it felt like a huge loss. I became filled with anxiety in a way that I had never experienced before. Managing T1D in an infant is a lot of work — there is a manic nature to it when you essentially have to follow your child’s blood glucose levels all day and count every carbohydrate that they eat. I also kept getting sick with chronic sinisitus, with a string of six really bad sinus infections over an six month period.
I think it all started after I had my daughter — I found having a baby very challenging and taxing on my body, mind, and emotional state. She was born premature and I felt very anxious about her the first year of her life. Just as I was settling into motherhood and felt like I was beginning to balance out my business and life at home she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 14 months old. While having T1D is by no means the end of the world, for me it felt like a huge loss. I became filled with anxiety in a way that I had never experienced before. Managing T1D in an infant is a lot of work — there is a manic nature to it when you essentially have to follow your child’s blood glucose levels all day and count every carbohydrate that they eat. I also kept getting sick with chronic sinisitus, with a string of six really bad sinus infections over an six month period.
At the same time, my business was also taking a weird turn: lots of my employees were unhappy or going through big life shifts. Questions of “Am I happy? and the real existential question, “What is my greater purpose in this life?” plagued me. I couldn’t comprehend why I was so unhappy and conflicted — my husband was supportive, the studio was doing well, my team was talented, and I was feeling proud that I had made it this far with my business. From the outside, things were all adding up but I was exhausted.
I felt a dissonance growing inside of me and it was spreading to the rest of my life. The fearless leader that I used to be was filled with fear and doubt. I didn’t want to live in New York, I didn’t want to manage my staff, I didn’t feel excited about new projects like I used to and I was too fatigued to be a good parent or wife. In fear of letting my team know how I was truly feeling, I kept all my emotions to myself. Negative thought patterns clouded my head and the uncertainty of my future combined with the lack of self-care physically made me sick.
Basically everything in my life felt like it was melting down. I struggled to find clarity. I talked to different integrative doctors, healers, and businesses coaches. I went on a major detox and eliminated practically everything from my diet. It helped heal my body but my mind was still not in its usual state. A friend suggested I call a healer in Virginia who works with people over the phone to give them guidance on all levels — including the subconscious, conscious, and higher conscious. The things she said to me on that one call sparked the start of a major shift: I knew I needed to not only restructure my health, I needed to restructure my business…
I realized I needed to do something to reconnect with the creative, intellectual, and feminine (empathetic and intuitive) side of myself. I needed a project that would deeply mean something to me. I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to create a project that investigates whether this sort of crisis was something other women dealt with in their lives, and if so, how they got through the difficult time. I wanted to at the very least connect with successful women on a deeper level. I was so tired of surface level small talk and I felt too much to not share my story with others.
I realized I needed to do something to reconnect with the creative, intellectual, and feminine (empathetic and intuitive) side of myself. I needed a project that would deeply mean something to me. I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to create a project that investigates whether this sort of crisis was something other women dealt with in their lives, and if so, how they got through the difficult time. I wanted to at the very least connect with successful women on a deeper level. I was so tired of surface level small talk and I felt too much to not share my story with others.
This was the inspiration for starting Romance Journal — the first issue of which centers around "emotion." How did you come to this as a theme?
Issue one of Romance Journal explores the role that emotions play in our lives, relationships, careers, and health. I choose to interview inspiring, creative, and thoughtful women on these topics because I want to understand them, myself, and our collective consciousness better. I think I grow as a person and grow in empathy with each interview I conduct.
Issue one of Romance Journal explores the role that emotions play in our lives, relationships, careers, and health. I choose to interview inspiring, creative, and thoughtful women on these topics because I want to understand them, myself, and our collective consciousness better. I think I grow as a person and grow in empathy with each interview I conduct.
The second issue, which we are working on right now, will be about the resistance movement — what resistance means and feels like…Can we resist with love? Is resistance always motivated by fear?
I’m interested in collecting information on an important and relevant topic, collaborating with people who inspire me, and sharing that with the world. It’s a true labor of love — the cost and time investment is no joke — but I feel that if I create something that inspires people to slow down, take a moment to reflect, listen to themselves…it’s worthy of all the time and money.
I’m interested in collecting information on an important and relevant topic, collaborating with people who inspire me, and sharing that with the world. It’s a true labor of love — the cost and time investment is no joke — but I feel that if I create something that inspires people to slow down, take a moment to reflect, listen to themselves…it’s worthy of all the time and money.
What are some of the best books / articles you’ve read recently (perhaps related to the above, or just things that have given you new insight in some way)?
Books I’ve read over the past year that inspired me:
Rilke poems
Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”
Ram Dass “Be Here Now”
Marianne Williamson’s “Healing the Soul of America.” I'm specifically interested in this book because of our political climate right now.
"You Are a Message: Meditations for the Creative Entrepreneur"
This NYTimes article on gratitude
Books I’ve read over the past year that inspired me:
Rilke poems
Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”
Ram Dass “Be Here Now”
Marianne Williamson’s “Healing the Soul of America.” I'm specifically interested in this book because of our political climate right now.
"You Are a Message: Meditations for the Creative Entrepreneur"
This NYTimes article on gratitude
Can you share more about the specific practices that have helped you retrain and alter your focus to be on the present and the positive?
Definitely meditation has helped. I started with a guided meditation app called Calm. Now I practice meditation and suspension of attention whenever I can throughout the day. It’s a reminder to be present, not ruminate over the past or fear the future. Of course those ruminations and fears are going to pop up and creep into the forefront of my thoughts but now I have the tools to keep them at bay.
Definitely meditation has helped. I started with a guided meditation app called Calm. Now I practice meditation and suspension of attention whenever I can throughout the day. It’s a reminder to be present, not ruminate over the past or fear the future. Of course those ruminations and fears are going to pop up and creep into the forefront of my thoughts but now I have the tools to keep them at bay.
Yoga keeps me positive as well. It's all connected...mind and body. The right yoga instructor and practice can put me into that state of feeling totally grateful.
In terms of tactics for stepping outside of my work to find what moves me on a personal level, reading, traveling, immersing myself into art and nature.
Once the “awakening” process started, it was hard to look back. You start to feel joy and gratitude in new ways; it feels a bit like coming home to yourself. Through all of it I learned the importance of reminding myself to be present and be grateful for everyday…it’s not easy, of course I regress often. I think we were all taught to live in fear, stress, and in our ego and thus it takes quite a bit of work and discipline to set out and stay in that loving state throughout the day. [Once I realized that] happiness is not something that will simply just come to me in the future, my perspective further shifted. Happiness, fulfillment, purpose, contentment are now, they are the present. It's not when I make more money or when I move to a new city. It's not when I find my next house or my next big project. Happiness is possible if I understand that each and every day in life is a gift and each and every experience is an opportunity to learn.
In terms of tactics for stepping outside of my work to find what moves me on a personal level, reading, traveling, immersing myself into art and nature.
Once the “awakening” process started, it was hard to look back. You start to feel joy and gratitude in new ways; it feels a bit like coming home to yourself. Through all of it I learned the importance of reminding myself to be present and be grateful for everyday…it’s not easy, of course I regress often. I think we were all taught to live in fear, stress, and in our ego and thus it takes quite a bit of work and discipline to set out and stay in that loving state throughout the day. [Once I realized that] happiness is not something that will simply just come to me in the future, my perspective further shifted. Happiness, fulfillment, purpose, contentment are now, they are the present. It's not when I make more money or when I move to a new city. It's not when I find my next house or my next big project. Happiness is possible if I understand that each and every day in life is a gift and each and every experience is an opportunity to learn.